Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The pros and cons.

As I was sitting here inflicting pain upon myself and questioning the very existence of eyebrows...I came to the conclusion that being a girl isn't fair at times.
Yes there are many perks to being a female.
Countless amazing things men aren't able to do.
For example:

1. The ability to follow directions. *heh heh
2. Give birth ( Rambo ain't got nothin on us)
3. Stop eating dinner, go wipe a kid and continue eating...
4. Make boo boos go away with just a kiss
5. Create a meal on the fly with just the contents of your purse!

BUT, there are a few things the male race dominate in...and quite frankly I'm jealous of.
1. The ability to pee standing up.
Don't get me wrong...I can hover with the best of them when it come to a public restroom. But you have to balance! And control the pressure of the flow so it doesn't go everywhere! And balance... in heels?! Gurllll, you know it ain't easy.

2. Look good with facial hair.
I can't EVEN imagine a life without tweezers. Seriously, like in the movie I am legand where NY city has all grown up and looks wild and creepy .... "my post apocalyptic no tweezers available look" Im sure, make the icky people trying to eat Will Smith look like super models!

3.Being completly and utterly convinced if their car has all wheel drive it could make it out of the grand canyon even....or the ocean....*ahem...

4.Having the mental disconnect or just not caring to scratch in public. HOW do you do that?!?! We'd sooner back ourselves into a clothing rack then to be seen picking out a wedgie! Am I right, ladies??
5. Lack of drama. Need I say more? *JEALOUS!

I guess maybe I put too much thought into this today.
But after I sat here and plucked enough eyebrow hairs to weave a coat for a small dog, I decided to gripe.
But I'm done now...Mostly cause I need to take trash to the dump. *sigh...
I think I'll go put on some leopard print. :D

Now THAT'S something you fellas can't do!
HA! could....but I hope you would have killed it first. ;)

Monday, June 25, 2012

I'm sweating....where??

I'm a lover of all seasons, but I'll admit Summer is my least favorite.

I'm not one of these Southern gals who can just sit outside and bake. If I'm doing something productive then I'm ok.....especially when theres water involved. ( but then were faced with the bathing suit dilemma. *shiver ohhmygahh) But to call myself a fan of this heat...?

Nope....not me. Cause...

It's HOT ya'll!

Like Satan left the door open, HOT.

I think the older I get the more I feel the effects of it.
Or NOTICE the effects....

I don't remember sweating from places that I now sweat from , as a child.
This may sound as if I'm about to share too much, and you're probably right so you can stop reading now if you want. Or keep on and look at me funny the next time you see me.

I don't care. :p
There is something wrong when you go from your house to the car, buckle your kids in and get inside and realize a small animal could drown in the puddle pooling inside your bra.

Boob sweat ya'll. WTC?!
 Bear Grylls could survive a week in the wild off  my bra alone. :/

Not to mention other articles of clothing.

Summer makes you feel flat out nashty. *eww

And if you think to yourself " I'll wear a sundress! What a fantastic idea! Ventilation!!"
But then you realize those thighs you've got...yeah those that think they're Siamese twins and have to stick together on a normal day get hot....sweet baby Jesus.
The sound.....

Did you know that if you put deodorant between your boobs it just clumps??? either.

Sigh.... I'm ready for Fall.

Picture it: Football, s'mores, bonfires, jeans!!! *Sigh...

There are only 6 months until Christmas from today.
That's CRAZY, but I'm looking forward to it!!

But until then I'll try not to sweat it too much.
And maybe invest in a kiddie pool...or
slip n'slide.

Come on over if want a good show
Cause big mama might just join in! :D

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Butt biting.....yeah , you heard me right...

My son is 8 years old.
 He has the most creative imagination ever. He lives in his own little world most of the time and he's happy there. ( he's quite popular)
He loves dinosaurs, crocodiles, anacondas...pretty much anything that can kill you.

And he likes to pretend he's one of said ^ animals....

If he isn't giving you facts about them, he's acting as one.
Whether it's running through the house "chasing" something, Or.....making his sister be the herbivore and him devouring her.
Which has been fine and dandy by me!! Until now.....

Because now....I am on the menu :/

I'm all about playing along and allowing your child to act out their imagination. It's fun, it's normal, it's a Moms duty!!!! Until you have to say these 4 words....


More than once! A day...!

The only saving grace to my  recent Lion attack is that I was a Zebra.....and not a Hippo.  :/
The words "STOP BITING MY BUTT, SON!" weren't words I though I'd ever have to say as a Mother.

Oh well....I'm gonna log this away and embarrass him as a teenager.
And it's not so bad. Even King Julian says:

"Vhat's a leetle bite on zee butt among friends, hummmm?"  ;)

Monday, June 18, 2012

It's a crack brownie kinda day...

So today has been....rough.  Last night the kiddos decided to play musical beds. They invited me to join in...forced me actually.  

 * sigh :/

Then kid #2 woke up sickly.
Her main goal has been to hold down the couch today....and be held....and watch Sponge bob and iCarly. *double sigh

Needless to say I'm tired.
I need a boost ( besides my 4:00 pm pot of coffee)
So I decide to make brownies. No not homemade ( I'm TIRED remember?!?!)
I did add a little somethin' somethin to them....

As in dark chocolate chips...annnnd Nutella.....annnnd caramels.....I've dubbed them "crack brownies".
Yeah, Mamas had a rough day.

My day might have been hellish but ya'll, my kitchen smells like Heaven!

Pray that my gal gets better soon....she's kinda pitiful. :(
Also I don't wanna gain 10 lbs and lose my teeth from my comfort food.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Bologna...the cockroach of lunch meat.

This may surprise some when they read this because they know my aversion to leftovers and or food that might be more than say 12 minutes over the expiration date.
But I have discovered that bologna....lasts forever!

As in I'm pretty sure I bought it around....Easter. And it was delicious!
Well it's delicious if you're a fellow lover of over processed, somewhat slimy round pieces of compressed meat. Sooooooo good!
And the funny thing is I'll be the first to admit I think I'm too good for SPAM...SPAM is beneath me. SPAM is nasty! I've never tried SPAM....

But BOLOGNA.....oh my. I like it fried, I like it pickled, I like it snuggled up between two pieces of white bread, a slather of mustard a bit of onion and a slice of Grainger county tomato!!! I can hear the Southern angels singing now. Oh my.

It's funny how some things you're "raised up on" never get old.
And yes I'm aware of how many chemicals are probably helping meld it together but I'll just pray over it and hope it helps preserve me.....kinda like formaldehyde. ;)
So maybe just maybe between my bologna and my spanks, I'll age gracefully.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Friday night @ the laundry mat....

Thanks to my dryer who decided to be a punk and STOP DRYING, I found myself at the local laundry mat Friday night. The ONLY laundry mat that is.....need I say more?
Probably not, but I will anyway...

If you have ever wondered where all the crazy , Dateline "to catch a predator" type of people in town who have nothing better to do on a Friday night (yours truly included :/ ) go....I can enlighten you.

And to top it off they have arcade games. Which of course they want to play even though I  refuse to give them any quarters. I can only imagine what kind of germs are on the things...OMG....but it's keeping them quite.

Maybe a little too quite.

Yup! Low and behold I looked over and Kaitlyn is on the ground and Jacob is pushing the trap door open and him reaching his arm up into the claw /grabber prize machine !

I loudly whisper " Jacob! What the heck Son! You can't do that!"

Him: "Well you wouldn't give us any quarters!"
Me: " Soooooooo???!!!"

and he says...SAYS TO ME

"Sooooo,It's free if you can reach them!!"
as Kaitlyn is pointing out which one she wants.


Their logic was a bit off but I have to admit...If they had 5 more minutes, I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn  would have had her stuffed Smurf.....  ;)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Well, I've done it.

 But now that I have, I don't have a dang clue what to say.OMG I already have writers block! Ahhhhhhhh!  At least my blog name is AMAZING, right?!?! Sigh...I wish I had a donut. It always clears my mind. It stretches my jeans too but were not gonna worry about that right now. That's what Spanks are for. ;)

Anyhoo, I don't know what will come of this, maybe nothing.
But I've always loved to write, so we shall see.
If nothing else it will bring me joy....and maybe something I say will do the same to you.

So until next sweet.